Christmas 2014

This was the first Christmas in 22yrs without waking up with my girls. Was about to cry, was totally heart broken for awhile. Was all good, still got to spend time with them, listen to them play board games and laugh. Best of all, got to make pancakes for them, as I do every Christmas.

I am looking forward to 2015. I have plans that need to be accomplished. My university courses, taking care of my health, my 3 girls, and most of all, make it to the Linkin Park summit and concert in Calgary on February 12, 2015. This is going to be my mission in life after the new year.

I hope that next year is an improvement over what has happened in the world. The beheadings of prisoners by ISIS, the hacking by North Korea, the planes being shot down, the invasion of the Ukraine, the soldiers being killed here in Canada, the senseless murders of the unarmed men, the outbreak of Ebola.

The best part of 2014, was myself receiving my liver transplant and the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl. I get a new start with my life and my girls. I will make the most of it. Go out meet new people, enjoy everyday I have above ground, keep positive, set an example for my daughters, learn new things, travel to new places, try new recipes, keep an open mind, and always turn on the Linkin Park when my life seems to fall apart.


organ donation


I watched a documentary about the decision of when to pronounce someone as deceased. Whether it is that the heart stops or there is no brain function.

The decision varies from hospital to hospital, province to province, and health authority to health authority. I believe that this should be changed to be a unanimous decision clear across Canada. So much time is wasted, which everyone knows, that time is something that is too valuable to waste, especially waiting for a match. This is something that I know all too well, I was on the wait list for a little over a year.

In that year I had to face and fight my hardest battle of my life. The pain was very intense, the nausea was beyond what is normal (sometimes about 20 times a day), the immense swelling of the feet and legs (as my liver was shutting down, it could no longer get rinot the poisons in my body), the sleepless days (been an insomniac since about the age of 9, I stay awake for about 20-50 hours before I can sleep again), the loss of appetite, the no energy, the pain watching my 2 daughters watching me slowly deteriorate, my mother pass away, my relationship of 10yrs crumble, the lack of motivation, the thousands of tears, the trips in the ambulance, the numerous bags of IV, the feeling of losing control of your life, being afraid, the not giving a damn, hundreds of needles for blood tests or IV, the not being able to cook and bake, not going to movies, and the most important part of last year, WAS NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE LP IN VANCOUVER!  I am not going to lie, I cried because I missed them, was too sick.

I would love to go see Chester and the rest in Calgary in February. Would love to go to the LP Summit and of course the concert. I wouldn’t have to pay for hotel or food. My sister lives in Calgary. But, who am I kidding, I won’t purchase the concert tickets or the airline tickets. I will spend what little $ I have on my 3 girls. I will just end up crying again, as I will miss seeing the most awesome band perform LIVE.

Back to organ donation and how important it is. About 3,000 Canadians are on the wait list for an organ,300 of whom, are not given that gift from God. There are NOT enough organ donors out there. I am so very grateful that I received my ‘new’ liver. After what I have been through, I feel a lot of sympathy for those fellow Canadians who suffer from one agonizing day to the next.

The days seem very endless, when you sit and think, is today the day that I am given a second chance at life.

I f you are healthy enough to donate organs, please do. It is a very selfless act, and you will be giving someone a very special gift.

Today was just one of those days that brings me One Step Closer. If I get a chance, will have some LP therapy before bed.

Left $50 worth of groceries at the checkout. Called the store, they said as long as I have the receipt, the groceries can be replaced.

Did a little bit of Christmas shopping. By the time I was finishing the shopping, the bottom of my feet were so sore, that with every step, I was just about in tears.

Some business dude rang the doorbell and kept knocking on the door until I finally answered. I knew it was not for my house, it was for the crazy renters downstairs. I have a bloody hard enough time getting down the flippin stairs, I don’t need to go down for someone else’s guest. Good grief!

I did purchase a Christmas present for myself. A very nice piece of glass. Works very well. I would recommend this brand to everyone! I am going to use the bag that I was given, to put all my purchases that I make at 420, 2015 down at the Vancouver Art Gallery. I am going to be there anyway, will have appointment with my transplant team. Will go for my visit at the beautiful and very intelligent Vancouver General Hospital, make my way to the rally, and find a place for a bite to eat. I am excited about this year, the Price of Pot, Marc Emery, will be back. I am hoping that I have my medical marijauna license.

Wasn’t able to get any LP therapy in before bed. I couldn’t fall asleep until about 330am. Was awake at 6am, baked 2 nice, moist, and delicious white cakes for my youngest daughter’s Christmas party at school. I didn’t want to disappoint her. The whole class loved it, some didn’t believe that it was homemade.




I am 42yrs old and have been a huge Linkin Park fan from the very beginning. I enjoy listening to them while baking, doing housework, and especially when I am depressed or totally pissed off. Whatever mood I am in, they let me get rid of all my negative emotions and thoughts, especially when I want to commit criminal activity to someone’s body, or help cheer me up.

My mother used to call them my angry music and asked how I could understand Chester. She said she could only hear screaming. She passed away last year. My family and I miss her so much.

I have a chronic illness, have been ill for 18yrs. It has been quite the roller coaster, many ups and downs. Too many trips to the emergency room,  thousands of blood tests, a hundred trips to Vancouver for doctors appointments, countless ultrasounds, MRI’s, and x rays. I probably just about glow in the dark.

This past April I ended up in the hospital until the end of August. Was in a coma for quite a while, I had 3 operations for stomach bleeding. Then I received my miracle on the best day ever. July 4, 2014 my 15hr surgery for my liver transplant started. Now I have 2 birthdays in July.

Listening to Linkin Park was very important to me while doing my physiotherapy. My amazing oldest daughter Cheyenne, downloaded all of LP’s songs on to a flash drive. I listened to them everyday while learning how to walk again, speak again, to feed myself, help deal with all of the emotions.

Without Linkin Park, I would not have pushed myself beyond my limits and got out of the hospital so soon. I needed to get out to go home and take care of my 3 beautiful and amazing girls. Two are my natural daughters, Cheyenne (22yrs), Cadence (9yrs), and my niece Sarah (26yrs).  Sarah’s mmother, my oldest sister, passed away 10yrs ago. I have been like a mother to her ever since, have been since she was born. Her and my daughters all call themselves sisters. I get her and her 4yr old son Christmas stockings and Easter baskets every year. I have a very tight budget as I am not working, I am upgrading at UFV here in town. Going to work towards my Business Administration Diploma, I know that I won’t finish until 2019. But it will be well worth it, I figured I was given a second chance at life, I am going to make the best of it. I want to set an example for my daughters, show them that because life gives you speed bumbs, you should not give up. Besides I want to work, earn a paycheck, and contribute to society.

A young lady lost her life and gave me a gift from God. I am not going to waste it. I want to let as many people know the importance of organ donation and liver disease.

With my blog, I can now do that. Hopefully even a few people read this.

my day

My day was pretty good. Had breakfast with my little sister and her daughter. Went and purchased a very nice glass piece to my collection of paraphernalia. Works great!  Was a Christmas present to myself.

Went to visit my niece, picked up some butter my nephew made. Now I can make brownies.CCan’t wait to try one!

Went Christmas shopping with Cadence, we got a few things. Had to get her new shoes, again.

At least today, I don’t feel Numb.